Last Updated: 02/22/04
After long hours of thought filled thinking, we came to the realization that you really could make cheese from the milk of any mammal. We thought about it some more, and decided that some mammals could really make some sick cheeses. So we decided to bring to you...THE TOP FORTY SICKEST ANIMAL CHEESES.
40. Wallaby Cheese
39. Yak Cheese
38. Gnu Cheese
37. Armadillo Cheese
36. Musk Ox Cheese
35. Elephant Cheese
34. Otter Cheese
33. Praire Dog Cheese
32. Wombat Cheese
31. Badger Cheese
30. Ferret Cheese
29. Panda Cheese
28. Manatee Cheese
27. Porcupine Cheese
26. Possum Cheese
25. Harp Seal Cheese
24. Vampire Bat Cheese
23. Macho Cheese
22. Skunk cheese
21. Sloth Cheese
20. Peccary Cheese
19. Platypus Cheese
18. Clumber Spaniel Cheese
17. Ant Eater Cheese
16. Humpback Whale Cheese
15. Rhinoceros Cheese
14. Lemur Swiss
13. Warthog Cheese
12. Shrew Cheese
11. Sewer Rat Cheese
10. Wookie Cheese
9. Proboscis Monkey Cheese
8. David Love Cheese
7. Hippopotamus Cheese
6. Rin Tin Tin Cheese
5. Hyena Cheese
4. Wolly Mamoth Cheese
3. Walrus Cheese
2. First Lady Cheese
And the sickest possible cheese of all time...
1. Sasquatch Cheese
Oh man...imagine making your kid a sub sandwich with a thick slab of sasquatch cheese on it...sick.
"Why is it that everything I like is either illegal, immoral, or fattening?" - A man at the couples retreat at camp, while looking over the night's snack.
"We should start treating our dogs like they're horses. We could give them saddles, and we could brand them. Heck, we could even start making them wear horseshoes."
-Geoff
Our parodies of a bakesale (listen up marketing students!)
-Fakesale- instead of selling things, people do nothing and make silly noises.........bluppity poodklrthmop.....drizz
-Makesale- the people who make things (carpenters/ artists) are sold at reasonable costs.
-Breaksale- comes in 5-minute, 10-minute, car, bike, unicycle, tractor, air, and antilock. hammers, mauls, and baseball bats also provided.
-Stakesale- selling tent stakes, t-bone steaks, high stakes, and "takes" with free "s" included.
-Mistakesale- mistakes and mishaps are sold with a high chance of error in the purchasing process.
-Lakesale- any small body of water is to be sold and sent off into the workplace where it belongs........without benefits!
-Rakesale- If you don't get this one, it's national "You deserve to be banished" time.
-Takesale- A theif's wonderland. Instead of buying things, you take them! ( Just like in Gary, Indiana!)
-Quakesale- Large rumblings known as "earthquakes" are sold at shattering costs. We also have some real live Quaker men and women in exchange for any old puritans you may have laying around.
-Sakesale- specializing in goodness' sake, but also selling pete's and heaven's sake.
-Flakesale- Dandruff blankets........warm and crispy!
-Wakesale- Water wakes are captured in small jars and are on sale only if you have been bitten by a great white. we also have exclusive, front row passes to the many great funeral wakes availible in the fine country.
-Cakesale- the elite branch of bakesales (unless you are anti-cake........Revolution!)
-Mandrakesale- Mandrakes are sold without even knowing what they are, or what they can offer us.
-Snakesale- again, this is a non brainer. Failure to understand will result in sudden implosion of all protruding appendages.
-Drakesale- The explorer Francis Scott Drake will be sold in small peices. We can also make fine "Francie Pants" smoothies from his eyejuice. Also sold will be male ducks.
-Shakesale- Classic shakes will be sold along with the shivers, influenza, hoola hoops, bootyz, babies, spears, fists, and hip-hoppin beats wigga smackin homeshasper!
-Intakesale- Anything inhaleable or depsitory will be sold with Italian gusto. (Sorry kids, we are out of bananas......what?)
-Opaquesale- Dirty, non-clear glass will be sold for use in bathrooms, showers, monisteries, playpens, and dog shaqs.
-Spakesale- Thou knowest not the pulanthary which beriddles this treacherous fervitude. Thus it is fancy to sayeth the word "spake", if thou tempter thy master. (chaster?)
-Jakesale- All kiddies named Jake will be sold to Poland for repairs and fine tuning. This means you, Jacob of the Bible!
"You could tape an abacus to someone's belly, punch him, and say 'I got you where it counts.'" -Geoff
"I'm having, like, a colon anurism!" -Adam
On the way home from a show, David stuck something in Isral's ear, and he asked what it was
Adam responds, "It was the Dalai Lama. I told it to stop."
Adam actually thought the Dalai Lama was a Llama...
"You're one tall glass of man!" -Adam, to Isral
"Want a camel?"-Lydia Love to Dan, while holding a reindeer ornament she mistook for a camel
"I wish all girls would ask me that!"-Geoff
"Pictures are images you can see with your eyes, and not with your ears."-Geoff
"Every time a grandpa coughs, a grandma smiles inside her heart."-Geoff
"I may be short, but I am not tall!"-Abby Love (indignantly)
"I'm going to Plasper, he's got a big rasper, It's just like a slinkey, hot, wet, and wrinkley..." -Geoff
On the way home from camp there was a construction sign that said "WATCH FOR STOPPED TRAPHIC"
The girl at Blockbuster Video was checking on the movie Mafia for us with no luck until her co-worker informed her that she was spelling it wrong... Maphia?
"If you're not asleep you shouldn't wake up" -Geoff
"Maybe someone died and got remarried." -Dan
"Now he's the headless Norseman."-Dan, after placing Matt's headless Risk army in Greenland.
Matt- "What happened to that RAF you were bragging about?"
Dan- "That was my Royal Aviation Failure."
"Ooh flies eyes." -Dan (upon rolling a pair of sixes)
"Why is my guy drowning in the cape of good hope?" -Dan
"Oh yeah, 1-2-3-4, that's a classic." -Ben
"Wow Dan, oh I see you ate Oh I See You Ate One Too. (after he took a bite out of Matt's OICU812 music card)" -Ben
"I've decided my epitaph is going to be:
In life, he was Isral,
In death, he is Wasral" -Isral
"Isral, do you think when you die, people will call you 'Wasral?'" -Ben
"Whenever I hear OICU812, I have a 50-50 chance of losing my lunch. If it's before lunch I don't, if it's after lunch, I do..."-Matt
"Wow Matt, that's a big pee...that's a capital pee."-Dan
"Let's park the cars on opposite sides and so we will have surround light...which is a lot faster than surround sound."-Dan
The police force taxidermy slogan: "You cuff 'em we stuff 'em! -Geoff
"They should have a hand-cutting-off club. Their motto could be "You can only come twice!" -Geoff
"And like a puppy in a tornado, I will surely die." -Geoff
"Man, fruit is so great. The only downside is the outcome...and it does."-Dan
"It's nice to know there are still places around that do things as slow as humanly possible." - Ben (referring to Jacob's Meat Market)
"The "hot-rodded American series" are the best guitars you can buy"-Isral. In response Geoff said "I'm going to go put a hot rod in your toilet."
Later... "Actually I didn't put a hot rod in your toilet, I went number 1... but a rod was still used!"-Geoff
Our Various Mic "Checks" (we are entirely aware of the fact that the word "Czech" is spelled wrong)
Check-O-Slavakia
My Grandpa Is Of Check Descent
Check Out That Pretty Girl!!!
Check Please
Travelers Check
Body Check
Check Republic
Check Out Lane
Buddy Check
Cross Check
Background Check
Check Engine Soon
Checkers
Check Mark
Check Box
Checkzilla
Pay Check
Check Point
Check Mate
Checks Mix
Reality Check
Spell Check
Security Check
Price Check
Check List
Baggage Check
Coat Check
If Zimmerbloke ever invites you into his love cave - DON'T GO!" - Ben
"Mr. Thaldorf never lets us play...I think he's saxist" -David
"They should make a Where's Waldo for blind people. Waldo would be the only embossed thing on the page. Boy, that would sure be a challenge!"-Geoff
"Never interrupt a man while he's giving birth." -Geoff
"What do you call a huge tenor sax dance party?...A Big Jig!!...okay never mind you wouldn't get that." -David
"Alright Fronzack let's go" -Geoff (Aparently Dan Reminded Geoff of an old, buck-toothed, two-chined lady Geoff saw in a Garfield Comic)
"Either my lips are sweating or I'm playing so much that I'm drooling" -David
David- "I sound like the saxophone on Noteworthy Composer"
Isral- "You are the Saxophone on Noteworthy Composer."
"We have nine kids now, half boys and half girls." -Mark Twain
"I'm so happy, I could scalp someone!" -Mark Twain
"Here is some parental wisdom: You know your kids are stupid when they wanna get their eyeballs pierced." -Geoff
"Do they make metal sporks?" -David
Beth- "I hate Ostriches; I pointed my finger at one once and it bit me."
Geoff: "Well, that ostrich probably wasn't thinking, 'oooh, nice finger!' It was probably thinking, 'Oh crap, that girl is going to lodge her finger into my eye socket and smear my retina all over my face!' Therefore it was your fault you got bit."
"Well, my day went pretty well, except for the fact that I was abducted by a herd of wild aliens and my friend read a book called 'Everybody Poop'." -Geoff
"Man, it stinks more than a dead badger in a pickup truck." -Geoff
"Man, this sucks like a giant leech on a bloated gopher" -Geoff
"Wow! That's enough Frooties to choke a camel!" -Geoff
"Hey, there wasn't a log here when it was light out today" -Dan
"Friends are those who make you laugh, make you cry, and try to push you off when you lean off the dock to get a stick" -Dan
"Hearts are good......especially when you have one." -Geoff
"And once again, television fails to capture the magic of a giant squirrel predicting the weather." -Groundhog Day
"October Ski: The story of four boys and how they concurred the slopes in early winter...Swish swish."-Isral
"If the Shoe floats..."- Isral
"It smells like urine... Why?" -Isral (with a distinct tone of despair)
"They should invent inflatable toilet seats... Man that would be sweet." -Isral
"Instead of "Lord of the Rings", it should be called "Word of the Things." -Geoff
"Jesus is on my pancake!" -Geoff (Believe it or not, an uncanny picture of Jesus' face was found burned into the bottom of one of Geoff's pancakes.)
"I think instead of "The Hobbit", it should be called "The Hobby". It would be about a maimed elf that collects marbles for a living. Wow, some plot that would be!" -Geoff
"Man, those Kids from Peshtigo are sure on fire!" -Geoff
"KFC is great until your done... Then you just feel dirty and you have to ask yourself "why does it feel like i just got raped?!?"... Don't quote me on that... I just got carried away."-Guy Bratton (LLBC Program Director)
"Dude! Isn't it weird how the Mississippi river follows the Wisconsin/Minnesota boarder?"-Isral
3 J/OK members + 1 pink toilet + 9 stories to drop it from = many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many pieces and lots of fun.
"You'll be mine... Someday..." -Dan, to a fish
"Hello Appleton!" -Isral (While 'flashing' the street below from the 7th floor of the parking ramp)
"Spoke when spoken to."-Isral
"Every day I'll love you better."-Tru Vibe
"I'll be normal in a few days."-Geoff
"We're like nomads, except without the camels."-Geoff
"Or we could run around in our underpants."-Geoff
"Dude where's my Czar?"-Geoff
We made a huge snowman on top of a stump in the middle of City Park. The second ball was so big and heavy that we had to break it in half and put it up in two different pieces. Then we took a garbage can and put it on top and took a metal ring and put it on his face. As we were driving away, the whole thing fell.
"My dog is exactly the same as your dog, only mine's a cat."-Geoff
"If I owned Dairy Queen, I would make some pretty crazy blizzards..."
Blizzards Dairy Queen should adopt:
-the animals of the rainforest Blizzard
-the Elmer's glue Blizzard
-the thanksgiving Blizzard (turkey, gravy, stuffing, cranberries, rolls, pumpkin pie, and of course, Dairy Quenn soft serve)
-the dirt Blizzard
-the oxygen Blizzard (aka the "invisible" Blizzard)
-the endangered species Blizzard
-the fat Blizzard (Crisco, butter, harp seal blubber, and lard.)
-the bread Blizzard
-the carpet Blizzard
-the razor blade Blizzard (comes with free band-aids and antiseptic.)
-the rare metals Blizzard
-the ear wax Blizzard
"Not many people know this, but I was born completely naked." -Geoff
"I wasn't interrupting, I was just involved in trans-personal speeching."-Geoff
"I wanna sleep on a mattress of whale blubber."-Geoff
"Does anyone know the Spanish version of Feliz Navidad?" -Geoff
"Old popsicles? Is that a word?" -Geoff
"I notice that the song sounds a lot better when you play it right." -Geoff